Today was one of the worst days in my life! My PS2 broke! In this afternoon, I was trying to play video game. So, I plugged AC adaptor, but my PS2 didn’t even turn on the power! I was like “what?” I tried different outlets in my room, but no luck. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with my PS2, so I called Sony. I just bought this PS2 last Dec, so it’s still under warranty (phew). The guy I talked to was pretty nice and told me to send PS2 to Sony, so they can exchange to new one. Of course, I did pack my PS2 and went to UPS Store right after I called Sony! Hopefully, I can get back precious soon!!! It was such a traumatic experience and I really don’t wanna see my PS2 dies again! Well, I still have my GC, but I cannot play my Digital Devil Saga for a while! Oh nooooooooooooooooooo!!!

It was so hot and humid today. I was still recovering from the loss of my PS2. I knew today was not going to be a special day the moment I woke up because I wouldn’t be able to play my PS2!! How depressing… Well, I do have my Japanese PS2, but it’s not the saaaame!! My JP PS2 is not as cute as my U.S. PS2!! I love my U.S. PS2 because it’s tiny!!

I went jogging in this afternoon. Well, huge mistake. The air wasn’t that hot, indeed, the breeze was kinda cool and nice. But, air was sooooo heavy because of high humidity! I was dangerously dehydrated after 10 minutes of jogging! No wonder there were only few people actually jogging!

I like chocolate. Well, I cannot think of anyone who doesn’t like chocolate. But, I absolutely do not like chocolate martini. I think it’s not martini. It’s just sweet weird nasty alcohol beverage. Although I don’t like chocolate martini, I was trying to make chocolate martini in this afternoon. I bought Godiva liqueur and some kinda caramel liqueur. I mixed those two with vodka hoping that it would taste good. Well, hmmmm, it was very sweet. I mean, really really really really really sweeeeet. I thought my artery was gonna be clogged and would have heart attack! I don’t think I am ever gonna have chocolate martini in my life, but I still have tons of liqueur left…so, if someone wants me to make chocolate martini, just let me know!!

I hate to keep saying this, but it’s really really hot. It’s just ridiculous. I was gonna go jogging, but it was already super hot and humid by 8am!! So, I ended up running treadmill at the gym. Ugh.

There is a new fast food restaurant recently opened by my apt. It’s called “fit and fresh.” I haven’t been there yet, but I assume they serve some healthy fast foods (hmmm, not sure how much fast food can be healthy). When I passed by the restaurant in this afternoon, I saw super chunky lady coming out from there. Well, baby step honey!

Now I am paralyzed! Seriously, it sucks to be paralyzed!!! Well, at least, my body is fine, so that’s good. It happened so fast even before I realized it. It started from a little discomfort in my ear on Monday night. Then, the night progressed, I was having pretty bad headache. Since I am not headache kinda guy, I have no tolerance with headache. But, I thought maybe I needed more sleep or something like that. Next day, I tried to get some rest, but, I had to keep looking for the apartments in Minneapolis because I was thinking to drive up there in this weekend. My headache kinda got worse, and my ear was hurting pretty bad too. Now, I was kinda concerned because I was only having headache on my left side of head, and my left ear only hurt.

Hmmmm. I hate going to a doctor so much, but Marc kinda forced me to see a doctor at the local clinic. So, I went there on Wednesday morning. I was thinking maybe I was having ear infection or something, but well, the doctor told me that my ear was clear and fine. He told me that I should go to ER at Swedish Covenant Hospital to do CT scan and other testing. Well, ugh, ER. I hate ER more than anything! Of course, when I got there, it was packed even thought it was 10am in the fucking morning! While I was waiting, my left eye kept tearing. I was like “hmm, this is interesting.” Then, by the time I finished all CT scan and blood testing, I noticed that my left side of face was kinda numbed. I was thinking “hmmm, okay.” I was hoping to get out of the hospital as soon as I could because it was already 4pm. Then, the doctor told me that they wanted me to stay over night for the observation. I was like “hell no!!!” So, while I was waiting to be transported to the upstairs, I ran into the bathroom and took ivy out and changed my clothes and left the hospital. Well, I know I kinda made poor decision, but at that time, I just couldn’t wait anymore, I was hungry, I didn’t like doctors there, and well, I just wanted to go home!

When I got back to Marc’s place, my left side of face was really really numbed. So, I went to the bathroom and checked out my face. Well, it turned out that my left side of face was completely paralyzed for some reasons! Creepy! Seriously, creepy! I don’t know how the hell this happened! I kinda realized that I maybe made wrong choice to leave the hospital. Hmmm. I was thinking “Well, my other motor functions are fine, so I guess it’s nothing that serious. It’s jut face.” But, of course, Marc was kinda freaking out when I told my story at ER. Marc called the hospital to find out if they had a diagnosis for my condition. Of course, the nurse did not tell him anything because all info is confidential. But, she did ask him that what happened to iv. Marc told her “yeah, he took iv out and now he wears spongebob band-aid!” I hope the nurse was entertained!

Next day (well, yesterday), I decided to go back to ER because I was kinda freaking out. I was hoping my face would get better once I had good night sleep, but it wasn’t the case! When we got there, ER was empty like a mug! So, we could get to see the doctor no time! Goodie! The doctor seemed to be pissed and told me that I should stay hospital. According to him, person like me is called “AMA (Against Medical Advice).” He explained to me that I am having the condition call Bell’s Palsy. It causes paralysis of facial muscle because of facial nerve damage. Well, the doctor told me that I will most likely recover, so I guess that’s good news. But, of course, I had to cancel trip to Minneapolis in this weekend because it would be so hard to drive up there by myself. You know, I cannot even fucking blink my left eye! Oh no! But, it is so funny to see half of my face paralyzed! When I smile, only my right side moves and left side is not moving at all! Freeaaaakkkyyyyy!! I didn’t know how much muscle you use to just chew a piece of bread! I cannot do anything social for a while for sure!!!

I am poor! All medical bills I am getting, aaaaand my trauma to facial nerve make me financially and facially poooooor!! Woohoooooo!!! Well, at least, my dad doesn’t mind paying all the bills! My parents were freaked out when I told them that I have Bell’s. My mom had one when she was about my age, and actually my uncle had one too! So, I guess it’s in the gene or what!! Anyway, my mom was super upset and screaming, “oh my baby’s cute faaace!!!” And she started talking about what’s going to happen to my wedding which I am not planning to have anytime soon! I was surprised that my dad was actually more upset than my mom. He said that use as much as money I need to fix this. Hmmmm, I was thinking “are you sure dad? I might use something else!!” But, of course, he is my dad. He did mention that he doesn’t appreciate my spending on unnecessary stuff, but he is totally cool with me spending on the treatment. Ummmm. Both my parents kept telling me to make an appointment with a doctor as soon as possible. Hmmmmm, well, I don’t feel like seeing a doctor again, but I guess that what I should do… Oh, my dad told me that I should get the best treatment, so it won’t affect my career once I receive PhD and start teaching at school. Parents are strange.

I didn’t feel too well all day today for some reasons. I am already getting tired of taking pills five times a day. I can do three times a day, but not five times a day! It’s more than four times! But, well, I guess it’s better than six times a day. I guess because my half face doesn’t move, I have been wondering the relationship between facial expression and brain. Even if I try so hard to smile, my left side of face doesn’t move because nerve has been damaged. Does it mean facial movement is mainly controlled by the CNS?? You don’t really think which muscles to use when you smile, you just smile. It is easy to think brain gives a command to smile, then CNS controls which muscles to move. But, technically, if CNS controls muscle movement, I feel like there is almost no need for brain to just make some movements. I guess this is why I chose Kinesiology for my PhD!!!

I didn’t get my PS2 back today!! I am so sad!

Oh, one more thing. I must say thanks to all of you guys who emailed me or called me basically saying, “ooh it’s sux you have bell’s!” (of course, in much nicer way) I am actually not that stressed out about it. It’s just sucky I cannot go running or go to the gym. I am more scared to gain weight than having distorted face! Well, hmm, maybe! Anyway, thanks!

I had another visit to the ER last night. Yeah, it was my third time to go to ER in this month! Yaaaaaaaay!! Well, the reason why I had to go to the ER was my stupid dizziness. I was having severe dizziness on Monday evening. I wasn’t sure if it was just side effect of Bell’s or withdraw symptom of meds I was taking because I got off meds on Monday. Either way, I was dizzy all night and vomiting a lot. Seriously, a lot!! I had nothing to vomit, but still I was throwing up some kinda yellowish thingy….eeeewww!! I was like “hmmm, this is new, hope it will be gone by tomorrow.” Yes, I had a reason to recover by Tuesday night because I had cubs game tickets!! Marc got four tickets from the lawyer he works with, and it would be my first time to go to the Cubs game. Well, of course, I didn’t happen. I had to give tickets away to my friends, so the tickets wouldn’t be wasted. It was just sux as hell and I was so disappointed. And, of course, Cubs won… Hmmmm. I am so hating my health condition right now!!!

After several iv shots and pills at ER, I finally felt better. I had to do CT scan again for just caution because I was having such a severe dizziness and my ear was ringing like LP trixies’ cell phone!!! I was glad that my CT scan was clear…goodie. So, what the hack was wrong with me? Well, my final diagnosis was “vertigo.” No, it’s not U2 song (…lame!) It’s fancy way to say motion sickness or something like that. Well, the doctors suspected that I might have Menieres Disease or Labyrinthitis. I really hope I don’t have Menieres Disease… I mean you know, I am having enough emotional breakdown moment with Bells Palsy, I don’t need more sickness!!

To make myself feel better, I baked muffin. Yeah! I think I need bigger muffin backing pan because I like big muffin!! I hate baking, but it’s such a nice self soothing thing to do. I keep pissing off at oven and I don’t have to think about anything else! Tee-hee!!